Saturday, 28 February 2015

Why I'm Losing Faith In Humanity

There are morons everywhere.


Patience my children (...?), I am in a ragey mood and I need to let it out. Below are a list of reasons why I need to live on a far away planet, where there are no idiots to be found.

Road Safety (or the lack of it)

  • People who cross before the little green man appears. Do you actually have a death wish?? What's worse is if they happen to be doing this with children in tow. Why yes, let's raise a generation of people who think it's "a laugh" to dice with death.
  • People who cross the road literally 2 metres before the designated and very safe pelican crossing. AKA, dicing with death because you are far too lazy to walk the extra distance.
  • People who don't look both ways before crossing a street. *sigh* Take a note from me. I look both ways when crossing a one-way street.
I have come to the conclusion that either people haven't seen or maybe they chose to ignore the classic 'Superted' Road Safety advert. 

Actually terrifying

Shopping Behaviour (shopping misbehaviour more like)

  • Parents who are teaching their children that it's okay to run riot in a shop. Of course your little darlings can run/scooter up and down the ramp. If they get to the bottom and don't stop, please don't expect any sympathy from me when you complain that they have a metal arm impaled in their eye.
  • Parents who let their children leave behind a mountain of shoes/clothes that have been tried on. Your children are going to grow up with little respect for shop workers. 
  • Adults who behave like children when they don't get what they want or their own way. Grow the FUDGE up you losers. There are people a hell of a lot worse off than you in the world, and you are standing here screaming because of such-and-such complaint. 
  • Have people forgotten the phrase "excuse me please"? The following are 3 new ways of asking for help. Apparently. I must have missed the memo.
1. "CO-EEEEE!" (I think I chose to ignore this one.)
2. "ARE YOU FREE???" (Yo lady. Calm your shizz. There is no need to shout. I'm not that tall.)
3. Just standing there by your side and not saying a word until you look at them and ask if they need help. (Why yes, I am psychic. How did you know?) 

Miscellaneous Morons (because they don't fit into any other category)

  • Slow walkers. Especially frustrating when you live in a tourist city. Do they not realise that the people who live here have places to be and at certain times?? The worse time of year for me is definitely Nov/Dec during the annual Christmas market. Everyone is crammed into a small space and dawdling. Oh, it's called "shopping" is it? PFFFT. Don't even get me started on the added woes of being long-legged and getting stuck behind a tourist.
  • People who stand stock still in the middle of the pavement. NOPE. If you feel that you must check your phone/look at a map/chat to your equally slow companion, please considerately stand to the side so I can go on my merry way.
  • People who wait ages for a bus, only to pay their fare and then get off 2 stops later. I'm not talking about the elderly or the disabled here, but those who are just generally lazy. They just spent over £2 on a ticket for a distance that they could have walked quicker! 


Monday, 23 February 2015

Why I Shouldn't Be Let Into Primark - HAUL

Last Monday I went shopping in Bristol with a friend....and I may have gone a bit t-shirt mad in Primark. I couldn't help it! The Bristol store has so much more in it than the Bath store so I guess I just took the chance when I had it. [excusesexcuses]

One can never have too many Disney t-shirts.

Or Harry Potter ones....

Notice that 2 of these are white. This is risky considering I am unable to eat like a normal person and food is magnetically attracted to my clothes but HEIGH-HO. 

Items I bought from other shops:

This candle smells delicious! I wish I could eat it. [Not recommended]
You will learn that I have a bit of an obsession with anything star print. 

T-shirts all £6 from Primark
'Meyer Lemon' candle £12.74 from Yankee Candle
Backpack £39.99 from Superdry

Thursday, 19 February 2015


Today was a bad day. I never fully woke up, it rained constantly and because of the weather, mostly everyone I encountered today was grumpy (thanks general public!). When I get days like these, I turn to Disney. Not just any Disney, but the best thing of my childhood:

This video (yes, video. How very old skool) is the best thing to watch when you're feeling blue. So much happiness! So many warm and fuzzies! It is personally responsible for my Disneyland obsession. If I could go to Disneyland tomorrow and skip about like the kiddies in this, I would be a very happy Clarey. Sometimes I think I'm growing down not up....

Thanks to the magic of Youtube, I can share with you my absolute favourites:

'I'm Walking Right Down the Middle of Mainstreet U.S.A.'

"For the time of your life you oughta find yourself here, you're welcome anytime you have the mind to appear!"

'Rumbly in My Tumbly'

This is a song about EATING. Who doesn't love songs about food?!
"When I'm rumbly in my tumbly, then it's time to eat. It's the tasteful thing to do, be it ten or twelve or two, for any time is food time when you set your clock on Pooh time!" 
This is the one rule I live by in life. 

'Making Memories'

A song about photography!!

'Grim Grinning Ghosts'

This song genuinely terrified me as a child. 

If you search for 'Sing-a-long Songs: Disneyland Fun', I think you may be able to find all 25 minutes of awesomeness. 
Stay magical everyone! xx

Sunday, 15 February 2015

The Things My Brain Thinks When I'm On My Own At Work

AKA 'It's No Wonder That I'm Slightly Odd'

Firstly did all my fellow singletons survive yesterday ok? Luckily, I had work to distract me so I wasn't at home under a duvet wallowing in my self pity about why I'll be a forever alone crazy cat lady.....YUP. Then I saw something that made it oh so clear to me.


Right, so. On with the actual post. This weekend I've been on my own at work. Yes, there were people to talk to, but they weren't on my section so I couldn't exactly be with them all the time. The problem is that when I'm left to my own devices, I end up, well, talking to myself. In my head. So I thought I'd share with you some of the highlights:

  • "WHY CAN'T PEOPLE TIDY UP AFTER THEMSELVES???!!! What do they think this is? A shop??" 
  • "Who did put the 'bop' in the 'bop shoo bop shoo bop'...?"
  • "I wonder what it would be like to not be so clumsy all the time. How do people not manage to walk into furniture or trip over absolutely bloody nothing or drop things a million times a day?"
  • "Imagine if I was irresistible to men." (Surprisingly, I'm not.) 
  • "I wonder if I should use my powers of invisibility for good or for evil?"
  • "I wish I could be less awkward then I am. Sometimes I wonder how I function in society. It's really no wonder that I'm single."
Brian needs to shut the heck up.....and the final reason why I am 'slightly odd', is that I named my brain. 

Good night. xx

Saturday, 14 February 2015

Finding Clothes When You Are 6-Foot Tall #1

Life is hard when you are long of limbed. Especially when you are female. Dresses become tunic tops. Long sleeves become 3/4 length. Trousers which have any hint of a flare start swinging round the ankles. Attractive thought there. Anyways...let's CRACK ON with the post.

I was in need want of some new trousers, so of course, I turned to the Interweb to do research. I'm really picky with what I dress my legs in. The fabric needs to have a bit of stretch and I can't BEAR jeans which only do up with buttons and no zip #curvygirlproblems. I've learnt over the years that skinny/slim fit is THE BEST. Who cares if they are not quite long enough?? They are made to be next to the skin!! I found two pairs I liked. One from a regular persons height shop and one from a shop that caters for fellow baby giraffes. YAY.

These are a LONG leg but on me, ankle grazers! According to the size chart, a LONG is 33" inside leg, but I am a 36" (I TOLD you I was tall) and the length isn't too bad. They have the perfect amount of stretch and they are such a lovely colour. I already have a pair of proper denim jeggings from here, which I bought many moons ago, and they are still are comfortable as they were when I got them. *applauds M&S*

These leggings are just simply AMAZING! I could probably wear these all day long and not get that restrictive feeling that you sometimes get with jeans. I didn't know what to expect with them being made of "scuba" material. I mean, that just makes me think of wetsuits and deep-sea diving, but actually, they are just like disco pant material. Very smooth and shiny. I'm looking forward to wearing them on a work meal on Monday. 

So there we have it. The first instalment of Finding Clothes When You Are 6-Foot Tall.

Thursday, 12 February 2015

Thursday Thoughts: Why It's Ok To Be Different

As I mentioned in my previous post, I am a baby giraffe. Some vertically-enhanced people started life off as quite short then they had a epic growth spurt which made them tall, but not me. Oh no. I have always been this way. Growing up, I was always the tallest person in my class. It was bearable when I was in Primary school, but Secondary school was pretty much Hell. On. Earth. Suddenly, I was in a place where everyone (or so it seemed to my 11 year old self) fitted in and felt like (and occasionally treated like) a freak of nature. I got teased constantly, which of course hurt a lot, but I didn't retaliate because I was/am quiet and shy, which probably made me more weirder than ever. Choice insults were:
"OMG you're so tall!!!"
"HEY! Green Giant!"
                     *shakes fist at that stupid sweetcorn advert* 

And then we come to my absolute favourite (not)
Being thought of as "ugly" when I was 14, did wonders for my already fragile self-esteem. Over the next few years, I tried so hard to "fit in" but I always failed miserably. I'm not saying that I had no friends at all, but I never truly fitted in with the people that I hung out with. 

Luckily though, I did Guides on a Thursday night and there I met my fellow Special Snowflake (HAI to Shelle if you ever read this!!) who I've had many weird moments with. Oh, and it's through her I started going to Torchwood conventions *nerd alert* and I encountered other Special Snowflakes (they know who they are). Basically, what I'm trying to say is that suddenly I began to feel like I was with my own kind.

*Enter the work years*

I didn't go to Uni, so after college finished, I found a job. Which is where I've been since. I may complain about it pretty much every day, but without it, I wouldn't have met some of the best people I know. These are the people who see past my height and see me for the lovely and hilarious (apparently) person that I am. As my other Special Snowflake (HAI Keelin!) says "God made you this way." 

It hasn't been easy getting here though. At first, I was quite lonely because the people my age thought that going out to nightclubs and getting completely drunk *yawns*, whereas I would much rather stay at home because I find nightclubs too loud and crowded. 

Then suddenly, something changed. I don't know what did it, but I started to develop a "I don't give a SHIT about what others think of me" attitude. 

What I'm trying to say is that it WILL get better eventually and that changing who you are just to fit it probably won't make you happy. 

“So you're a little weird? Work it! A little different? OWN it! Better to be a nerd than one of the herd!”
       - Mandy Hale
On that note, I am going to finish waffling on and I'll leave you with a song that I abso-bloody-lutely love and actually, it probably helped me on the way to where I am today. 

Wednesday, 11 February 2015

Facts About Me

  1. My name is actually Clare. Clarey is a nickname that I got a few years ago and it's kind of stuck. Really only my work-type friends call me it, but I like using it on the Interwebs.
  2. I am a baby giraffe masquerading as a human. No. Really. I am. REALLY. Why don't you believe me??!! Ok, so I am a female type human and I am ever-so-slightly over 6ft. This makes some ignorant people think I am a man *deathglare* and also I am super clumsy because my limbs pretty much get in the way of everything. It can be useful though because you never need a ladder when I'm around! 
  3. As a result of a knee-dislocation incident when I was 16, I have 2 small screws in my left knee, which makes going on holiday by aeroplane a RIOT. I mean, ok, it's good that they have metal detectors because of you know, terrorists and the like, but I don't enjoy being personally violated by the guards. 
  4. I have TWO tattoos. I've got a Harry Potter lightning bolt on my right wrist and a sea-wave on my left foot. 
  5. I live in Bath, which is a beautiful city in England (in case you didn't know) but unfortunately, it is a massive tourist attraction so I am constantly getting stuck behind tourists who think walking slow is FUN. It is not when someone walks at a speed, which I do. 
  6. I love all things Disney. I have been to Disneyland Paris 3 times and I really want to go again to either there or Disney in Florida. 
  7. When I get the time, I like to bake. My best cakes are lemon drizzle and victoria sponge. Mary Berry is the Queen.
  8. I am short-sighted. I wear glasses. I refuse to wear contacts because even the mere thought of touching my eye makes me want to throw up and don't get me started on laser eye surgery. *shudders*
  9. To say that I am socially awkward is a total understatement. I don't think it helps that I have never fitted in due my baby-giraffeness and that I am a bit of an introvert, but, heigh-ho. You wouldn't have me any other way.
  10. I can't think of anything more to write but I couldn't finish a list on number 9. (OCD problems. Or 'CDO' as I like to call it because then the letters are in the right order. Ahem.)
If you have got to the end of this list and not got bored, a big ROUND OF APPLAUSE to you. 

TTFN! xx

Monday, 9 February 2015

Reasons to be happy #1

  1. Even though it is still ruddy cold outside, Spring is definitely on it's way. YAY. 
  2. One of my best pals sent me a video of her son (my Godson) counting to 3, then running down the hallway in their flat. Ok, so the words "One, two, three" aren't very clear but you get the jist of what he is trying to say. This makes me SO proud of him as he is not 2 years old until the end of the month. 
  3. Because of food. 
Nutella cookie from Starbucks

Camemburger from 'Gourmet Burger Kitchen'.

5. Because of cheese based jokes. 

Q: Whats the best cheese to coax a bear down a mountain? 
A: Camembert (Come On Bear) 


Sunday, 8 February 2015

Let's start at the very beginning, it's a very good place to start...


My name is Clarey and a big hearty WELCOME to my little corner of the Interweb world, to which I can escape to when I've dealt with too many idiots (to put it politely) in the outside world, and because I work in retail, this happens on pretty much a daily basis.