PRODUCT REVIEW: 'The Righteous Butter' - Soap and Glory

Please could someone tell me what magical ingredient is in this, as it is MIRACULOUS!!

I don't tend to buy body butters anymore because even though I have good intentions of using them religiously, I never do. However, two weeks ago Boots sent lots of Advantage Card customers a little treat in the post, and I received this.

During the winter months (especially this year for some reason), I get dry skin on my elbows, just below my knees, the front (just the front. not the back. weird.) of my legs and an odd small patch on my right leg and I wish I took a 'before' photo of these patches because this product has improved them immensely. After every shower/bath, I've rubbed a generous amount into my skin and it sinks in so well. It smells so fresh and clean too.

So, even though I said that I don't buy body butters, I kind of went out and bought the full size version. In my defense though, I did have a 20% off Soap and Glory advantage card voucher to use....

Socially Awkward Problems

After this week, I will never again underestimate my ability to avoid a potentially extremely awkward situation. I don't recommend anyone to do this unless they are a trained professional. Which I'm not, so I just got lucky.

Something happened where I had to talk (that alone is just...urg.) to a guy who broke my heart into several billionty pieces (not that he will ever know that) and even though I really don't give a flying spork about him anymore, I was dreading having to speak to him to sort out my issue because I am what is known as socially awkward.

Now, usually I think of my ability to trip over nothing, walk into doors, spill food & drink down my clothes, fall up/down/sideways on stairs and never being able to hold an intelligent conversation with people I barely know, as loveable quirks and I wouldn't be "me" if I was a functioning member of society but the one thing I absolutely hate is the fact that certain people make me nervous, either because they intimidate me or, in this case, too I have too many not-so-good memories of them. These type of people I actively try to avoid interacting with, just in case I throw up or can't speak in front of them.  

This is pathetic. We're all human, so why do I find it so difficult??  I fear I will never know the answer to this.

The conclusion to this tale is that I somehow managed to not get the problem sorted for two days, until I saw someone else who was able to do it for me on Saturday. Result! What I would have done if this didn't happen, I dread to think.

On a related note, please read 'Awkward Makes You Awesome' because it proves I am not alone. 

Learning French with Madmoiselle Clarey

Bon soirée mes petits choux!! Ça va? Bonne. 

So...yes. In my previous post (Friday Favourites #2) I mentioned that I found an old exercise book of mine from school and I thought "hey, why don't I share with the people of interwebs my 12/13 year old brain in French mode."

My teacher at the time was called Madame Small (later known as Frau Small as she took me for GCSE German) and she was the best teacher I ever had, purely because she actually had a sense of humour (which is a rare trait in many teachers I have known). This will become clear in some of the examples I will give. 

On a side note, I actually made her laugh in my practice GSCE German Oral exam by saying "Mein Vater ist sehr komish und er kann nicht singen." (My father is very weird and he can't sing). Yup. Even as a 16 year old I was trying to be hilarious.

ANYWAYZ. Back to le Français. 

[En Classe - in class]

Je dois = I must

............me laver les cheveux - wash your hair

............promener le chien/le éléphant - walk the dog/elephant

............manger mon chien - eat my dog

............aller a la piscine - go swimming

Je suis désolée mais je ne peux pas parce que je dois laver le chien - I'm sorry but I can't because I have to wash the dog.

ressemble à = looks like

Mon père ressemble à un arbre - my father looks like a tree

Ma copine ressemble à Britney Spiers - my friend looks like Britney Spiers

Ma mère ressemble à un lit - my mother looks like a bed

Using the future tense with "aller"
aller = to go

J'ai vais = I go/I will
Tu vas = You go/You will

And now, we get to the best bit. The following came from my own brain (which was clearly going through it's "soooooooooo random!!!" phase). We had to do horoscopes to learn this particular bit of grammar.
Note: I used Google Translate to remind myself of what I was trying to say in English, and it became clear that this was never marked because some don't make much sense.

Prévisions

La semaine du 26 Juin au 1 Juilett

Predictions

The week of 26th June to 1st July

Verseau / Aquarius 

Tu vas recevoir un grand cadeau. Attention! Ce n'est pas quel tu imaginer.

You will receive a big present. Watch out! It's not what you imagine.

Poissons / Pisces

Tu vas gagner beaucoup d'argent.

You will win a lot of money.

Bélier / Aries

Tu vas oublier sur beaucoup de amusement parce que tu vas un sensation coeur.

You will forget about a lot of fun because you're feeling heart.

(Errrr...what???)

Taureau / Taurus

Tu vas devenir attaque par la grand pigeon et porter de la maison de la Wombles dans Wimbledon Common.

You will be attacked by a great pigeon and bring the house of the Wombles of Wimbledon Common.

(Possibly trying to say "You will be attacked by a big pigeon and go to live in the house of the WofWC. " IDK.)

Gémeaux / Gemini

Tu vas creuser en Bulgarie.

You will dig Bulgaria.

("You will dig in Bulgaria"??)

Balance / Libra

Tu vas voyager sur la cobaye en Pérou.

You will travel on the guinea-pig in Peru.

Scorpion / Scorpio

Tu vas rencontrer une idole dans ton rêver.

You will meet an idol in your dream.

Sagittaire / Sagittarius 

Tu vas avoir un accident.

You will have an accident.

Capricorne / Capricorn

Tu vas perdre ton favourite arbre.

You will lose your favourite tree.

(I sincerely apologise if any of these actually come true. Personally, being a Scorpio, I'm quite looking forward to see if mine does.)

I am going to leave you with a classic Mme. Small. We were learning how to complain in a restaurant and one of the examples was:

Ma glace est chaude = my ice-cream is hot

Friday Favourites #2

Bright pink jeggings

£22.50 - M&S

Buying a birthday present for my fwend

Summer = ALL the frappuccinos (even if they contain about 645 billionty teaspoons of sugar)

Knowing that I don't have to go to work for 2 whole days

Finding an old school exercise book and having a good giggle at your 13 year old self

Friday Favourites #1

Spending the day with day with one bestie and her two boys.

Getting cuddles from my Godson.

Hearing a 2 year old giggle because he really likes being on a swing.

Spending all our imaginary money in Anthropologie.

Tapas & Sangria with another bestie.

Shelle's photo.

ICE CREAM!!! 

Mint Choc Chip and Oreo Cookie (it looks pink but it's not)

The late Spring / early Summer sun over Bath.

Finally being able to wear shorts all day long.

very height. much leg.

The invention of hay-fever tablets.

If you're tired and you know it clap your hands!!

*CLAPCLAP*

11.06pm - Tuesday Night: *writing in a notebook because I can't sleep* 

I need to be up at 4.10am and I can't effing sleep! When I started this blog (a.k.a. the place where I can talk to myself), I was in the middle of a holiday from work so I got into a really good habit of blogging regularly, but, alas! That has gone out the window of late. *shakes fist at work* I sincerely apologise for this. (who am I apologising to? myself?? good grief.)

So, what have I been up to recently? 

• I started to watch 'American Horror Story' on le Netflix. I'm trying not to watch ALL the episodes at once because I know season 5 doesn't start until October. 
• I got rewarded for being an 'outstanding human being' (not really, but we all know that I am) at work and one of the prizes to choose from was 2 cinema tickets, so YAY to cinema trip for me and friend. Oh, and on the award thing I got, it said that I was "always smiling", which is pretty darn amazing seeing as I am dead inside.

4.35am - Wednesday Morning: Time for another exciting episode of 'How To Survive Work After 4 Hours Sleep'!! *repeatedly bangs head against wall*

6.07am: When did this turn into a Day in the Life of Me? Heigh-ho. Anyways, I'm dressed, I no longer look like a zombie and I'm semi-functioning. What more do you want from me?!

6.18am: You know in Tom & Jerry when Tom is so very tired that he props his eyes open with toothpicks? 

Yeah, that's what I feel doing right now. 2.30pm can't come soon enough IMO.

11.07am: My only break of the day. I guess I can call it brunch but I don't really count a ham & cheese toasty as brunch type food. I need a bacon sarnie or a cooked breakfast. Anyhow, it doesn't matter what it's called because as Winnie the Pooh once said, "it's the tasteful thing to do, be it ten or twelve or two, cos anytime is food time, when you set your clock on Pooh time!" I think my clock is permanently set on Pooh time.

3.15pm: Finally home! It's time for coffee, cake, and Netflix before I even think bloggy thoughts.

5.44pm: I've officially reached the grumpy level of tiredness. Let me get on my high horse for a moment. I have a female acquaintance who is always complaining about being single and that she never meets any nice guys. Well, last weekend she Instagrammed a weekend away with one particular boy and I was like, "Oh how nice. She's finally met someone." (even if the kissing selfie did make me retch.) Now today, she posted something about being single and a friend of hers commented saying "but what about *******" and she replied with "oh, I'm not ready for a relationship." EXCUUUUUSSSSSEEEE MEEEEEEE????!!! What is up with her? Why go away with him on a mini holiday if you were going to decide this less than a week later??

 She needs to understand that she is fudging lucky that a) a guy likes her and b) is willing to ask her out because some of us (like me for example), aren't that lucky. I suffer from chronic singleness and a fear that I am going to die alone, so hearing something like this really upsets me. *sighs* *gets off high horse* 

6.06pm: To "get on one's high horse" is such a weird idiom.

6.32pm: Note To Self - Never again try to blog when you are extremely tired because you will waffle on and make people think you've gone doo-lally. 

Easter Sunday || Tyntesfield House and Gardens

I actually went outdoors today (*gasp*) and it was surprisingly okay.

Happy Easter to Me....

.....from ME! I give myself the best presents. I love me so much. I am the best person ever.

Chocolate Bunny - Hotel Chocolat - £7.50

Hoppity Poppity Bath Bomb - Lush - £2.50

Fluffy Egg Bath Bomb - Lush - £2.95

A VERY HAPPY EASTER TO EVERYONE WHO ACTUALLY READS THIS BLOG!

I love you all so much.