Tuesday, 13 October 2015

Dear Annoying Customer

Hello there internet, nay, world. We need to have a chat. By which I mean that I'll be chatting and you'll be listening. Or reading. (shut up Clarey)

I work in retail. Did you know that? Well, now you do and I would like to say that I have had more than enough of the 1% of customers that my work pallies and I encounter on a daily basis. I say "1%" because 99% of people are full of sunshine, rainbows and all things sparkly, but some are definitely not.

This is a letter to twits who make me swear under my breath.

Dear Annoying Customer,
   Hey you! Yes, you! The one who just can't understand that we don't stock everything that our company makes. How much space do you think we have in the building? Or do you think we have a sewing machine out the back so we can make things on demand? Rather shockingly, we don't. Neither can we control our stock levels. That's not our job, we're just there to actually put it out.

Speaking of stock, OPEN YOUR EYES BEFORE YOU ASK WHERE SOMETHING IS!!!!! Yes, we are there to assist you (because we are assistants) but before you ask where something is, please, I beg of you, LOOK. FOR. IT. And if you've walked past said item/s and then asked, understand that we have to try extremely hard to tone down the sarcasm in our voices when we answer you.

Next thing we need to discuss is that even though we work in a shop, it doesn't make us invisible. So you can pretend all you like that we don't exist when you're complaining to your friend about everything that is wrong with our products/layout, but, get this, we can hear you. Oh, and please, if you are one of those who do acknowledge our existence, there is a wonderfully polite phrase that we all like to hear and that's "excuse me". Lovely. This means no clicking of fingers to get our attention or yelling at us demands like "WHERE ARE THE TROUSERS??!!???" Jeez. Calm down dear.

Need I say more? We are not a playground. Or a skate park. Parents, I implore you to have more control over your offspring. And stop teaching them bad habits. These include:
  • Leaving fitting rooms in a mess
  • Letting them try on all the shoes and not making them hang them up again
  • Taking items off a hanger/out of a packet and just leaving it on the floor or draped over the arm
I could go on and on, but you get the picture.

Finally, we get to the brand-new subject of charging 5p for plastic bags. *gasps* NO! THE HORROR!! 
If you don't live in England, our government has just made it legal that retailers have to charge 5p for plastic bags now for environment reasons. The rest of the UK have been doing this for a couple of years now and they're coping but oh no, not us English. Here are two instances that happened in the past week since it the law was enforced:
  1. A woman actually went to the customer service desk and asked for a refund on her bag as she "wasn't going to use it again" and
  2. A man bought his wife an £89 coat and refused to fork out the extra 5p so, get this, he tried to make her put the new coat on over the one she was wearing!! How pathetic. The wife paid the 5p in the end. And then hopefully tried to slap some sense into him.

GET. A. RUDDY. GRIP! *and...breathe*

And the moral of this story is, treat your friendly shop-worker with respect and you will get respected yourself. #wisewords

Sincerely, Me.

Thank you for having the patience whilst I had another one of my epic rants. This is why I love you all.

See you soon! xx

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